Shock and Awe

I enjoy the idea of being able to shock someone. That probably explains my love for movies with a lot of gore, and partly explains my love for movies with a lot of sex. Even in personal life, I normally build up a image of such propriety that when I do end up doing something uncharacteristic people often are not able to believe that it's me doing that.

For a long time I harbored the intention of marrying a Muslim woman simply because it would shock my parents and, even more so, my other relatives. But I realised, and thankfully well in time, that that is not the best reason to marry someone! There have been other things that I have done which my friends, wingmates, cousins didn't expect me too, but I am too bashful to mention all of it here.

One thing that I really want to do is to make a movie like the ones made by Pier Pasolini, but with better production quality. After looking for them for a substantial period I have managed to download two of his controversial movies - Il fiore delle mille e una notte (Arabian Nights), which was a part of his Life Trilogy, and Salò, which was a part of his incomplete Death Trilogy and which also has been voted by Time Out's Film Guide as the Most Controversial Film of all time. The amount of gratuitous nudity, and a lot of it male, is very disconcerting. And of course Salo has the added feature of coprophilia, sadism, torture and a lot else (being based on Marquis de Sade's 120 Days of Sodom). It might not be all that great an idea because Pasolini was murdered brutally because of his beliefs, of course not only related to his movies but also the fact that he was a staunch communist. But it would not be a complete waste dying after having made movies that people still shudder seeing after over 35 years, and even in times when we have gotten desensitized to all types of violence and bloodshed.

Brief Sunshine of the Spotted Mind

I have lived a life long enough, and seen enough highs and lows, to realise that it's very difficult being truly satisfied. It's even more so for anyone who manages to limit his sight so much that the only people visible are those who are 'doing well' in life, and so kills himself every moment by comparing. I do that too.

I am doing better now than what I have done for quite some time. I am also fortunate that the very few people whom I like like me. But way too often I am bothered by the fact that I can do so much better, and that there are still some people whom I would like to like me but who probably don't. I feel guilty when I am not studying. I feel scared that things will get as bad as they were in the not so distant past. That people interviewing me for a job will not agree that I have rectified my misakes.

And then there are brief moments like this (and this post is meant to treasure such moments for the future) when I do something which normally would make me feel guilty, but it actually makes me happy. I just finished watching a movie called Little Miss Sunshine (and I have two papers tomorrow). I would probably get back into the rat-race a few minutes from now. And I don't always mind running either. But it's moments like these, when you have watched a great movie, read a great book or had a great conversation, that you feel that life's going to be good no matter which position I finish at.

Bliss

I am watching a movie called Zombie, which is a classic of the genre, listening to Parikrama playing live a few metres away from my room, after attending a great quiz earlier in the evening. Life's good.

Happy New Year

2004 - 252 + 32

2005 - 344 + 55

2006 - 200 + 24

2007 - Much less hopefully