My relationship with my parents is very weird. Or maybe not that weird, considering that I know quite a few others with similar relationships. For most of my life, both of them have been working, so I have grown used to spending most of my time in the house alone and meeting them for brief points of time in the morning and evening. And, of course, not even that much communication for the last so many years, when contact has mainly been limited to phone calls and occasional visits home. Family outings, which used to be very frequent in school, have become once in two years or so occasions, because it's difficult to get all four of us at home at the same time.
I love them a lot, but get really irritated with them very fast. My mom speaks too much, my dad almost zilch, and I hate the two extremes. Every single visit home, in a matter of two-three days, becomes painful, because I start being rude to them and avoiding them, missing the freedom to sleep and wake up late and doing everything as I please at the hostel. And in our present home, it is very easy for four people to live comfortably without having to see each other. I know the reason my mom asks so many questions or calls me every other day for no particular reason, or bugs me for million things is because she loves me. Maybe, now that she isn't working, she also has the time to think about it and feel guilty at some level for not having been able to give me as much time as she should have when I was in school. But, realizing all that does not make it easier to bear all this concern.
Which does not keep me from calling her, or my dad, when I am in a soup, or down and out, and need help or someone to talk to. I remember a couple of years back, I had just come back from the railway station after seeing a friend off, and was feeling really really sad because I didn't know if I would meet the person again and whether I would make good friends after that. Though the answer's been yes to both doubts, I was not very sure of it that evening, and walking around in the campus alone, I called up my mom. One of the very few occasions when I called her up without some work, and she was quite surprised, but sensed that I needed to talk as well.
I am a bad son, I know.
The funny thing is that in recent times, or rather in the last 2-3 years, I have realized that this kind of behavior is not altogether uncommon in other relationships also. I get similarly irritated and behave rudely at times with some of my closest friends and cousins when they show more concern than I am comfortable with.
What is even more funny is that I shower more than a fair share of attention on some of my very close friends as well. And feel bad when they misinterpret my concern for an attempt to intrude into their privacy. These friends, I am sure, love me as much as I love them, but most of us are more comfortable with sanitized relationships when these feelings are not spoken of explicitly or displayed with high frequency. We want close friends, relatives to be there when we need them, but otherwise let us be.
We are funny people.
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5 comments:
"..but most of us are more comfortable with sanitized relationships when these feelings are not spoken of explicitly or displayed with high frequency.."
u nailed it there.
And the funnier thing is that we expect these people to just 'know' and sense without being told the moments when we need them so they stick around in warmth without backing off just then, like all the other time when they must back off and give us the space-time we need to solve 'our' problem.
It does make me think though, that attaining such an equilibrium of intimacy v/s privacy would be much more difficult in a romantic, commitment-dependent relationship, say with a wife or a husband you're living with.
But not all of us are candid enough to actually admit it, esp. with family.
Oh, and sometimes, we are hypocrites. We need space, but we want to know where the other person was. And then, we don't want to admit to the double standards, because, of course, we are better than that.
Funny, is the word.
:)
Yeah I guess since we take people for granted esp those who are close to us..we just tend to ignore the fact that Its better to just speak it out and say things..It does feel bad when people shrug us off in the same way like we do!
Thanks guys, for bothering to read my posts, and then going ahead and saying something too. I don't think there's any point to replying to all comments individually in this case.
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